


Prompts for Ereri Angst Week 2018

by orphan_account



Series: Drabbles For Tea [7]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Ereri angst week 2018, M/M, Manga Spoilers, canonverse, post chapter 104
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23783095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: My submissions for Ereri Angst Week 2018
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Series: Drabbles For Tea [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713292
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	1. Fade

**1\. Fade**

Sitting on his bed in the cell curled up into a ball, he looked tiny. But when he stood up, he made Historia feel like a dwarf.

She crept closer. “I know how you feel,”

Silence. Then he finally met her eyes. “No you don’t,” he said quietly.

“I do,” she insisted fiercely. “You _miss_ him! And Eren, he misses you!”

“No he doesn’t,”

She snorted. “Do you even know who you’re talking about?”

“I do. Better than you. Better than any of you.”

“Then _go_. Go to him. Or I’ll make him come to you,”

He gritted his teeth. “Get out.”

“You can’t make me,”

“Get. Out.” He commanded coldly and Historia froze. He had never used that tone before. It was harsh and his eyes were devoid of any twinkle or mischievous glint. They were hard and unforgiving.

She went out, locking the door behind her.

His head swirled. He got up, but sat down again. If only his thoughts had an ‘off’ switch…

He couldn’t let them. He wouldn’t let them.

Those days were over. He couldn’t rely on anyone but himself.

Not Mikasa. Not Armin.

_And not_ **him** _. No, he’s gone. Just like everyone else._

It was just like how he had once said a million years ago: the world was a cruel place, a cruel place where only the strongest could survive and the weak ones would perish.

If he let them perceive him as weak and vulnerable, he’d loose. And then he’d die. No, he would not yield. Threatening them would take him only so far. No, he needed to be strong. He couldn’t count on anyone anymore.

Not even _him._

He couldn’t let anyone know how his powers were eating him away; how he was relentlessly pursued by his endless string of nightmares and memories. Waking up everyday feeling like a completely new person was one of his newfound terrors; his head felt like bursting during random moments of the day and he wanted to collapse, but he couldn’t. He could not. There was no one to catch him if he were to fall, and who knew what would happen to his body should he loose consciousness even for a minute. He was paranoid.

Not for the first time, he wanted to run away and scream. He wanted someone to hold him and whisper words of comfort in his ear. He wanted someone to tell him that they cared about him, and not because he was useful or humanity’s hope or something. He wanted to he accepted for who he was, not what he was worth. As far as Eren knew, he was worthless, now that they had realised his powers could be transferred to someone else.

He had to fight and close his heart.

But those things were easier said than done.

.

Historia came again.

“I thought you’d feel bored, so I got this.”

She pushed a book towards him through the bars. Eren ignored her.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine if you just talk-“

“I already said no.”

“Eren, please-“

“What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?”

Historia bit her lip. “Everything.”

Eren looked exhausted. He spared a distasteful glance at the book before pushing it away.

Historia was _furious_ with the pair of them. To remember how they once used to be and what they were now made her want to scream and stab someone in the chest repeatedly. _How had it come to this?_

“Eren, you don’t have to do this,” she whispered. A huge lump had already formed in her throat, sitting there like a boulder. “You don’t have to do this for us.”

Eren stared at her incredulously. “Us? _Us?_ I’m not doing this for any of you.”

“You are-“

“I’M NOT DOING THIS FOR _ANY_ OF YOU FUCKERS!”

She took a few steps back, terrified, but still made an effort to speak.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? SOME KIND OF GREAT SAINT?! AN OBEDIENT LITTLE DOG WHO’S GONNA WAG HIS TAIL AND ROLL OVER SO THAT HE’LL GET TREATS?!”

“Eren, that’s not what I meant-“

“I DON’T GIVE A _FUCK_ IF THE HUMAN RACE DIES HISTORIA, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!”

“Eren-“ she was openly crying now and looked to her right.

On a chair concealed from the brunet sat the raven, his fringes obscuring his eyes. He sat still and with as much expression as a stone. He didn’t bother getting up.

“OK! OK, maybe… you don’t care…about…a-about u-us… but you care about _him_! Even if you didn’t do this for us, Eren… Eren, a-admit it please, you did it for _him_.”

Eren burst. He laughed so hard that Historia felt mortified. She desperately turned to Levi, but he didn’t respond, sitting half concealed in the shadows with his arms crossed over his chest.

“OH!” Eren laughed, tears streaming down his face. “You…Y-you think I… I did all t-that for,” he choked amidst gusts of laughter, “You think, you actually think t-that… it…it- I did it all for him?”

“I don’t think, Eren, I _know_.”

“Oh? And why would I do it him? Why would I do anything for-“

“BECAUSE YOU WANT HIM TO ACCEPT YOU THAT’S WHY!”

Eren stopped laughing, momentarily stunned. His laughter was still ringing in her ears, that maniacal sound was still reverberating across the dungeon and the narrow corridor.

“What?” his voice was barely audible.

“You know what I said, you want him back, I KNOW YOU DO, DON’T DENY IT!”

“I…I d-do not… I don’t… w-wa… want-“

“YOU DO!”

“I never have.” His voice was nothing but a whisper and Historia noticed his fists were shaking uncontrollably. His face twisted into rage.

“I never have. I don’t care about what he thinks of me. I know what he thinks of me.” Eren’s voice was trembling with the effort of speaking calmly and not to scream at the top of his lungs. He swallowed. “I’m just another titan for him to kill. Another dummy to be used to sharpen his skills.”

“He doesn’t think of you like that.”

Eren stayed quiet, not meeting her eyes.

“I’m not doing this for any of you.”

“Eren-“

“I’m not. I’m really not Historia. You know why I’m doing this? It’s not for humanity, it’s not for Mikasa and Armin, it’s not because I want to see the outside world, fuck that, I gave up on that stupid idea a long time ago.”

Eren turned to her, his green eyes brimming with tears and face morphed into grief. “It was all for myself.”

“It was all for myself. Because I want to survive. Because I want to live and if I have to play dirty, then I’ll play dirty for it. I don’t want to die being used as an amusing toy only to be cast away in the end because everyone got bored.“

Eren laughed bitterly. “It’s different from the Eren you knew right? He was an idiot, an idiot who didn’t care whether he lived or died as long as he could save humanity… he loved _playing the hero_ … humanity’s hope…more like humanity’s hopeless,”

Historia turned with a last pleading look at Levi, who still made no attempt to get up.

“I know he’s here.”

She turned back to Eren, heart pounding wildly.

“I know he’s here. I don’t know or care why he’s here… but…”

He sniffled and walked towards the door, placing his hands on the bars. Looking at his feet, he swallowed and inhaled.

“Captain… you once said you were good at judging people’s characters… and you told me that I was someone who’d always fight for what’s right no matter what… well it turns out you were wrong.”

He grimaced. “I’m not… I’m not what you wanted me to be… they say when a dog goes bad, the fault lies with the owner… you’re not to blame for this, you couldn’t have done anything; it’s not your fault if the dog suddenly went rabid.

You wanted me to be humanity’s hope, and I failed. You wanted me to be humanity’s saviour and I failed. You wanted me to be good… and I failed you every time. I failed you _every single_ time…

I’m not the perfect strong hero you want me to be, and I’ll never be. You were… you were right, you know… nothing can tame a monster… not compassion, not words, not violence…” his voice cracked.

“Not even love… that was the only thing you got right about me.

But…you know…that day in the Reiss chapel… back then, when you told me to… when you told me to do what I wanted to do… to choose what I wanted to do, that day, Captain, that day… you…

It made me happy. _You_ made me happy…

…And I’m sorry I never made you feel the same way as well,”

Eren walked away from the bars and sat down on the cold stone floor, his head bowed down against his knees.

“Eren-“

“You’re wrong too. I never cared about any of you. It was all for myself. And Captain… your words never affected me either. I… didn’t… I never felt anything towards you… _any_ of you. I-I…” his words died in his throat as he closed his eyes and curled up, his cheeks glistening.

Historia walked away from the cell and went up to Levi, who hadn’t uttered a single word.

“Captain?”

He suddenly stood up and shoved her aside, his boots echoing on the stone as he climbed up the stairs. But before he left, Historia heard a sob as he disappeared round the corner.

* * *

“STOP!”

He woke up with a jerk; there were hands around his neck that were constricting his windpipe and he retched, struggling for release. He twisted and squirmed, trying to break free of the tangle of sheets wrapped around his legs and slid off the bed, panting.

The hands weren’t there anymore and he breathed in great gulps of air gratefully. His shirt was stuck to his back and he was shaking; he was completely drenched.

_“Eren it’s all right.”_

_“Levi, another nightmare… they don’t seem to end, what should I do?”_

_“Shh.. I’m here, let it go… focus on me. I’m here Eren. I’m always here.”_

_“Levi…”_

_“Eren, I love you. It’s going to be all right, I promise.”_

“I love you too.” He spoke the last words out loud.

Too late he realised, he was in his cell, all alone. And Levi wasn’t there with him. Levi wasn’t there to pull him into an embrace. Levi wasn’t there to warm him. Levi wasn’t there to hold him and comfort him. Levi wasn’t there for him. No one was there. He was alone.

What was it like to be held and comforted? He couldn’t remember. Those happy days pierced into him like an icy knife; his lonely memories ceased to care; his heart’s isolation spread and spread, soaking into him like poison. They were fading, he realised: his smile, the way he laughed, his inky hair, his swirling stormy orbs and his gentle embrace… they were all fading away. He couldn’t remember.

Eren gulped, listening to the peace of the world. In the land of dead, he was the only one alive.

Silently, stuffing his fist into his mouth, he let the tears flow until the taste of salt engulfed him. He let them flow down, past his cheeks and stain his shirt. He let them flow and didn’t stop.

_“Levi… please… come back, come back to me.”_


	2. Damage

**2\. Damage**

“Hey… you ok?”

Levi buried his head deeper into his knees and shunned her.

“Captain… he didn’t… he never meant it…”

The raven gave no indication that he had heard her. His head was spinning and felt like a shit ton of bricks.

He could feel his already bruised and damaged body break and stifled a laugh. _You can’t break something that’s already broken…_

Yeah right…

He was falling; falling deeper and deeper, the gravity of the never-ending abyss of darkness hauling him in.

“Captain?” Historia gently nudged his shoulder and gripped it, but he didn’t push her away. He didn’t feel like doing anything anymore.

_Why are you running away?_

_Why are you so afraid?_

“Captain? Do you want some water?” Historia asked hesitantly.

_“Captain, are you alright?”_

_“I’m fine Eren. Just a nightmare.”_

_“I made tea. Black, with no milk and sugar, just the way you prefer it; you like that don’t you? Drink this, it’ll help.”_

_The image of a boy with earnest green eyes swam before him, smiling a smile sweeter than the most resplendent nectar and holding a cup of black liquid._

_“Eren.”_

_“Yes sir?”_

_“Stay with me.”_

_Soft hands stroked his hair late into the night until he fell asleep. The gentle breathing and soothing words of comfort were turning into mist; he reached his hand out to grab them, but they slid from his grasp like veils of silk and vanished._

He gulped down the water that Historia offered and beat the chills away that threatened to cover his body. The liquid felt cool against his heated flesh and helped him breathe.

“Eren’s just feeling a bit off,” she smiled at him, though her voice shook and her eyes were moist. “He’ll bounce right back up, you’ll see… I mean, you have been with him for so long and he has always looked up to you and held you in the highest regard; you’ll be back together in no time.

After all, you’ve always been there for him…”

At her words, something within Levi snapped.

“Is that so?”

Historia started. “…You’re talking.”

Levi snorted. “Am I? Thank you, I wasn’t aware of it.”

“No, Captain-“

“Shut up. If your voice was any more annoying, it’d shatter the glass.”

She fell back looking hurt. Levi spared a glance at her.

He _would have never been hurt._

_Eren would’ve just patiently waited until his foul temper was over. He always understood._

_He always sympathized._

“I’ve always been there for him…”

“O-of course… y-you have,” she answered hesitantly and at the same time, Levi saw her take a few steps backwards.

_Eren had never been afraid of him. Eren had never answered to please him. He always spoke the truth, no matter how blunt and rude._

“ _I_ was the one who was always there for him…” his voice was beginning to tremble.

_Stay strong._

_But Eren didn’t care. He never pushed Levi away, being disgusted by his weakness; Levi was always welcome in those arms._

“Who… w-who rescued him at T-Trost? _Me._ ”

“Captain?”

“Who… who s-saved… saved h-hi…him at his trial? _Me_.”

_‘Captain, if you need me, I’ll be right here.’_

Levi got out of the bed and edged towards his desk, gripping it tight. _Don’t let them perceive you as weak. Don’t show._

_Eren, how can I not show?_

His breath was coming in labored gasps. A gulp of oxygen felt like flesh in flame; knives slashed at him, tearing his skin. He wanted to _kill_ someone, the way his uncle had taught him to: _rip out their guts._

_Eren, help me. Hold me._

Hands tore at his hair as the tears burst forth from the stormy orbs that were no longer swirling. The raven sank down to the floor, his knees roaring under the impact, but _he didn’t feel it at all_.

“WHO BROUGHT HIM BACK FROM THE FEMALE TITAN’S MOUTH?! ME!”

“CAPTAIN, NO!” Historia shrieked as she lunged towards him; porcelain hands fumbled at the drawer of the desk before finding their treasure and madness rose within Levi as he laughed at the little blade in his hands. _Pain. Blood. Let it hurt. Let me scream._

Historia fought with him, trying to seize the weapon, but to Levi it was his salvation. Eren wasn’t there to hold him back; Eren wasn’t there to pull him into his chest; _Eren wasn’t there._

“WHO COMFORTED HIM AFTER MY SQUAD DIED? ME!”

Historia gave a shrill cry as the silver slashed through the air; scarlet rained on her and crimson embellished Levi’s arm as the fluid ran down in little dendrites. Levi snickered. They tickled him.

“CAPTAIN STOP!” Historia grabbed him and tried to coax the blade out of his hand but he pulled it away. _No, that blade was the most beautiful thing in the world. It helped him cope. It helped him_ _hide. It was his friend._

_‘Captain, stop!’_

_‘LEAVE ME ALONE EREN!’_

_‘I won’t! I never will!’_

_He could always remove his mask before Eren. He could always cry before Eren, without any fear of being pushed away or sneered at. His mask which Eren saw through easily and didn’t hate him for it. His mask which he had never taken off._

_His mask which had eroded and caused more damage to his shattered body than any knife or sword._

_The mask that Eren removed for him._

“TELL ME HISTORIA! WHO SAVED HIM FROM THE CHAPEL?! WHO WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO BELIEVED IN HIM?! WHO WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN’T WALK OVER HIM LIKE A DOG?! IT WAS ME!”

“WHO FOUGHT FOR HIS RIGHTS? WHO WAS THE ONE WHO SPOKE UP FOR HIM? WHO WAS THE ONE TO STOP THE FUCKING MILITARY POLICE FROM DISSECTING AND EXPERIMENTING ON HIS BODY?”

“YOU, CAPTAIN, I KNOW, _I KNOW_ , STOP, PLEASE!” Historia beseeched him as he poised to strike at another spot on his forearm.

“YOU KNOW _NOTHING_ , HISTORIA REISS!”

_But Eren did._

Levi screamed; memories all flashed by him suddenly and were flying away, out of his reach. _Come back_ , but his voice was less than a whisper; the darkness enveloped him completely, and suffocated him. He couldn’t breathe.

_Strings woven together, finer than silk, thinner than paper and more fragile than glass – that was their bond and they both had the knives to cut the fraying threads and break the web apart._

“DO YOU KNOW HOW HE SHIVERS AND TREMBLES WHEN HE HAS A NIGHTMARE? DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD HIS BODY BECOMES? DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL IT IS FOR HIM TO BREATHE?”

“N-no, I…”

Another flash and the floor was a red pool. She edged towards him, blue orbs pleading and lips trembling. “C-Cap…c-captain, no…”

“Do… do you know how his lips smile? They stretch out so… so _wide_ , Historia, and when he sleeps, they’re… they’re always slightly parted. They glow pink in the moonlight… riper than any berry I know…

Do you know how shy he becomes when I compliment him? He fidgets with his hands or starts tapping a finger against his thigh uncontrollably…

Do you know his favorite thing to do? He… Eren likes sitting under the oak tree behind the headquarters at night… he likes playing with the squirrels there… one of them scratched his nose and he squealed like a little girl,” he hiccupped.

“H-He did?” Historia gave a watery chuckle.

“Oh… he loves squirrels a lot… and he fell in poison ivy once, and… and he looked like an angry puppy…

He likes milk with three spoons of sugar… and…a-and he has n-named his abs…”

“Huh?”

“Yeah: chuckles, chubby, nipple junior and nipple senior… he’s a…h-huge idiot.”

“You do know him well, huh?” Historia cautiously moved forward and pried the blade from his bloody palm. Levi didn’t object, but stared at blankly. His throat felt raw from screaming.

_Do you know how he makes me feel? After the depths of the underground, the you were like my first fresh breeze and the azure sky, painted with wings._

_‘Brat’. The brunet laughed and it was the most alluring sound he had ever heard._

_Is it too late?_

_Can we both still keep our web?_

_Eren…_

_Let me in. Let me into your heart like you once had._


	3. Goodbye

**3\. Goodbye**

He didn’t know whether he ought to do it or not. How would Eren react?

But this was his only chance. If he ever hoped to have Eren in his arms again, he needed to talk.

If he ever hoped to see those ocean orbs look at him with warmth and mischief, he had to talk.

If he needed Eren to come to him, then _he_ had to go to him.

Every inch of him shook with nerves. _What if Eren turned him away?_

He had always failed at expressing himself. But Eren simply understood. He understood when Levi was feeling down and needed a hug. He understood when Levi did and didn’t want to be touched, wanted and didn’t to talk, and needed a cup of tea or a good thorough scrub of the room. All by looking at his face.

And if he wanted that to continue, then for their sake, he had to go and talk to Eren.

Apprehensive, Levi’s boots echoed through the hall as he walked across the stone floors, passing cell after cell.

They had first kept Eren here when the brunet had discovered his powers and Levi felt a sudden lurch in his stomach.

Eren must have been _terrified_ ; the poor thing had no idea of why or how he was a titan and had been almost killed. On top of that, the Survey Corps and Military Police had fought over him like dogs and to top it off, Levi had kicked him senseless at his trial. And yet, he had willingly taken the burden of the _entire_ human race and placed it on those tender caramel shoulders of his.

Nobody deserved to go through that.

Levi wondered how Eren felt: constantly living in dread that everyday would be his last or he’d be killed by a friend turned traitor; the plethora of memories of all the titan shifters living in his head and each time waking up with a new nightmare or a new identity; the terror of losing himself to his inner storms; the fear of failing and the consequences his actions would result in – one single mistake, one misstep and it would not cost him just his life, but billions of innocent citizens, families and loved ones - the turmoil he was going through of not having anyone to confide in or trust and the most greatest of them all: the torture his own body was giving him.

Levi pondered on other things: did Eren have someone whom he loved and heart ached for? What if he wanted to spend his life with that person? What if he wanted to kiss them and pour his heart out to them? What if he wanted to live a life as well? Did he want to become a father? Did he want a family, with a spouse and children to dote on?

_Did he still want to see the outside world?_

Levi stopped right before Eren’s cell as his crushing guilt overwhelmed him: Eren would never, ever have a future or a life. He would never get to feel his significant other’s lips on his, or to hold and feel them. He’d never get to accomplish his dreams, never get to spoil his flesh and blood, or do anything else that he wanted. Because he was forbidden to do so.

He had lost his future the moment he had gained those powers. To Levi and the others, their roads were long, winding and twisting and devoid of any answers of what lay ahead. They could all end with many vivid outcomes. They had many roads: they could run, walk, crawl or fly, go left or right, ahead and even backwards. Their fate was in their own hands and so was their future.

But Eren had only one road, and he could only go in one direction. Everywhere he turned, it was a dead end for him. His fate had already been decided: death was eagerly waiting to envelope him in its dark and comforting caress, and Levi felt another sharp stab of guilt as he realized that with the way he was being treated, Eren would be eagerly waiting as well.

_The boy who always fought and always lived… only to just die in the end._

_Like a pig brought up for slaughter._

_My green-eyed beauty, how can someone as sweet and beautiful as you be forced to walk down such a dark and wicked path like this?_

He was crying again. In the past few days, ever since his outburst with Historia, he had never been able to stop the tears from flowing and nor had he remotely tried.

“Captain?”

Levi looked up, his heart hammering wildly. Eren was standing near the bars and…

_Was that concern in his eyes?_

“What are you doing here?”

Levi licked his lips and tried to force words to come out of his mouth. “I… Eren, can we talk?” his voice was hoarse due to the constant crying and screaming.

Eren looked skeptical but gestured Levi to come in.

_He hadn’t pushed him away. There was still hope for them yet._

Eren stood leaning against the cold, stone wall with his arms crossed over his chest. Unless his eyes were deceiving him, Eren’s teal orbs were dark and hooded, devoid of their usual sparkle. They were also rimmed red.

Levi didn’t know how to start or where to start from. What did he want to tell? How could he tell? He stared at Eren expectantly, hoping that the brunet would somehow understand his inner turmoil and just whisk him into his arms again. They’d pretend that this never happened and maybe Levi could tease Eren about his abs, just to make him blush. Hopefully, he could also make Levi some tea.

“…Captain, what did you want to talk about?”

“Eren… what happened during the last few days… I… I-I j-just wanted to tell you that…”

Eren’s thumb was twitching and his left eye was a bit damp.

_I need you. I want you in my arms again. I want to hold you and you to hold me. I want to cry and be comforted and comfort you. I want you to trust me again. I want to pull you close and feel your lips on mine. I want to feel your flesh against mine. I want to get lost in your irises and never come back. I want to run my hands through your silken locks, and to kiss you until you beg for breath. I want you to say my name, whisper it, shout it, caress it softly and protect it._

_I want **you** , my green-eyed love._

“…Y-you need to make up your mind soon. W-we need you to fight again.”

All hope in Levi’s chest went down in flames as Eren stiffened and let out a heavy gust of air.

“Is that all you want to tell me?”

Levi felt like as though he had been doused with icy water; such was Eren’s tone: it was soaked with pain and hurt. But the most horrible thing was his face: he didn’t look angry or scared.

He looked done. Like as though he had completely given up.

“No, I-I…”

“Captain,” his voice was trembling, but he was doing a better job than Levi in masking it up.

“Please, just… go. Leave me alone.”

“Eren-“

“Goodbye.”

_No. No, no, no, no, no, you can’t say that._

Years of trusting his abilities and instincts had hardened Levi. His earlier plan of appealing to Eren with words completely forgotten, he switched to his most trusted approach, the one which he was most familiar with, the one which Kenny had taught him: physical force.

With two determined strides, he crossed over the dungeon. Eren raised his hands apprehensively, but before he could strike, Levi had already grabbed hold of his wrists. Eren struggled, trying to push away, but Levi’s grip on him was like steel.

_If I let go, you’re lost._

“LEAVE ME LEVI!”

_Levi. He said my name._

His body coursed with energy. _This_ was an area he was built for. Not gentle words of soothing or soft touches, but rough handling. Beating everyone to a pulp and kicking them until he screamed. He was free here, free to express. Free to make him understand.

Levi slammed Eren down to the small bed that was barely used, for Eren always preferred sitting on the stone floor. Pinning him down with his hands above his head, Levi gripped them tightly and threw his entire body weight on Eren, crushing the breath out of him and countering his struggles. Eren was strong, freakishly strong, but so was Levi. And his desperation fuelled him. This was a battle he was _not_ going to lose.

“Eren, please, listen to me!”

“Why? WHY?! I listened to you every single time Levi, I always heard you out, I ALWAYS FOLLOWED YOU, I OBEYED YOU, I NEVER WENT AGAINST YOU, SO WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!”

“BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AGAIN, EREN! PLEASE, JUST LISTEN THIS ONE LAST TIME! I’m begging you!”

Both males were losing the struggle as hot tears gushed out like a fountain. Eren was panting for breath, squirming under Levi, trying to kick him. Levi’s mind didn’t pay attention to anything except making him understand. He _had_ to.

“Eren, please,” he sobbed, tears falling on the younger man’s face and streaming down to his chin. “I need you. I need you more than ever, Eren, so please-“

“You do? Of course you do, but not because I mean anything to you Levi!” he cried back, ceasing to move. His face was twisted with agony as he let his tear-stained eyelashes block Levi from seeing his green orbs. “You want me back, but just to show everyone that you can still control me! You want to show everyone that you’re still humanity’s strongest, and that you are capable of taming any monster, even me! I WON’T LET YOU!”

“Eren, no, I never-“

“It’s what you want!” Eren wept. “You want me to come whimpering after you, obeying you like a good boy and never questioning you. You want to put me on a leash again, throwing treats at me in exchange for listening to you! And when you’re sick of me, you’ll find a new pet to take your place! WELL, I WON’T GIVE YOU THAT! I’M NOT YOUR TOY, LEVI! I’M MORE THAN THAT!”

“I KNOW-“

“YOU DON’T!” Eren shrieked, turning his face away and obscuring himself with his locks, so that Levi could only see his wet lips. “YOU DON’T, YOU DON’T, YOU DON’T! MAYBE I DON’T HAVE A FUTURE, MAYBE I’LL DIE, MAYBE I’LL NEVER GET TO SEE THE OUTSIDE THE WORLD, BUT LEVI, I’M HUMAN! I CAN CRY, I CAN LAUGH, I CAN FEEL THE PAIN TOO! YOU THINK I DON’T CARE ABOUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE I KILLED? YOU THINK I’M JUST A HEARTLESS MURDERER? THEN YOU’RE WRONG! IT’S KILLING ME! ALL THESE MEMORIES AND THIS PAIN, IT’S EATING ME UP LEVI! MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP! I WANT TO RUN AWAY, I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE EVER AGAIN, I DON’T WANT YOU NEAR ME AT ALL! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”

“But I do. I want you. And, no, it’s not because I want to uphold my title, Eren I couldn’t give a _shit-“_

“Then you better!” Eren took a great gulp. “You better, because it’s your duty! You’re not Levi, you’re humanity’s strongest soldier who doesn’t care about anyone or anything, you’ll always do your duty no matter what, and when the time comes, you’ll claim my life. You’ll take my dreams, my hope, my _everything_ away from me… you’ll…y-you’ll…Levi, I- I _can’t…_ ”

Eren whimpered and broke down completely, yanking his hands away from Levi’s slack grip and curled up into a ball, shielding his bare torso with his arms. His skin was covered in angry red slashes and Levi felt his blood turn to ice in his veins.

To think _Eren_ would have resorted to self-harm…

_Oh, the sun of my life, when did you come to this?_

“Eren… _Eren,_ listen to me. I’ve always done my best to support you, to keep you safe; I have _always_ stood by you… I would never hurt you.” Levi bent down low and whispered in his ear, pushing Eren’s strands away and gently brushing his lips near Eren’s cheek.

“Listen. _Please._ ”

“No…”

“ _Eren…”_

_“Levi, no.”_

_“Just once…”_

_“I c-can’t. I d-don’t…want…”_

_“Please, Eren.”_

Trembling violently, Eren finally turned to Levi, his irises embed with tears, and spoke three cursed words.

“ _Goodbye, Captain Ackerman.”_


End file.
